Things I've Learned Today

1. The Red Sox are willing to sign a player to a one-day deal if he'd like to retire in a Red Sox uniform, but only if that player's name is Nomar, which begs the question: How many people on planet Earth are named Nomar?

2. One hundred calories worth of Lorna Doone cookies are tasty, but only for two seconds. And then you want more, because who is happy with only two seconds' worth of Lorna Doone?



3. Jessica and Heather of Go Fug Yourself offer the best post-Oscar style analysis of all time. Thanks for the excuse to procrastinate, girls. (BTW...I'm with you on Sigourney Weaver. No way she's sixty.)

4. It's possible to obtain a medical license in England without having the ability to differentiate between pregnancy and gout.

5. I should never, ever name a character Lindsay. If I do, Lindsay Lohan might think it's modeled after her and sue me. Apparently, Lindsay--or her lawyer, at any rate--claims that any fictional use of the name "Lindsay" is akin to using an identifiable, unique name such as Madonna or Oprah to hawk products. (The lawyer did not cite Nomar as an example.)

No Second Place at the Oscars

Well, I whiffed on my picks for Best Original Screenplay and Best Adapted Screenplay, which means I ended up in second place in my Oscar pool. This is a little embarrassing, since I'm the only writer in the group (as Homer Simpson sings, "I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T, I am so smart!") But since there isn't a second place given at the Academy Awards, I, like Meryl Streep, will have to try again next year.

BUT...there are still outfits to discuss! I thought that it was a fantastic year, stylewise. Very few misses on gowns, don'tcha think? Though once again, my prediction was off. I thought Robert Downey, Jr. would look great, and he did...if you could ignore the questionable bow tie and the horrid shoes to focus solely on the suit (which fit better than it looks in this photo. The button wasn't pulling all night, I swear.) Or simply look at his wife, Susan, whose gown rocked:



Most women cannot pull off horizontal stripes. She can.

Normally, George Clooney would be a safe bet as Best Dressed Man, but I had an overwhelming urge to grab his hand and walk him to a barber. Guiliana Rancic may have waxed poetic about Gorgeous George's longer hair during the E! pre-show, but I can't agree. Sorry, Guiliana. Instead, I have to give this year's Best Dressed Man nod to Ryan Reynolds. THIS is how every guy should look at an awards show:



Guiliana also loved the gown of RDJ's former flame, SJP. My guess is that the Fashion Police will give a thumbs-up for her Chanel Couture tonight, but I hated it. At least onscreen, it seemed frumpy and ill-fitting. So sadly--and I realize it's sacrilege in some circles to say it--this year Sarah Jessica Parker is my Worst Dressed Woman:



That being said, I suspect the Fashion Police will name Charlize Theron their worst-dressed, with what I will forever think of as the Flower Boob Dress. I don't hate this--the color is spectacular on her, and the fit is perfect--but I think it would've been far, far better had the roses been big enough to cover the entire bodice, rather than separated. (In fact, I think this gown would've been a home run if the roses covered the entire bodice.)

What do you think? Could this dress have been saved?



And then there were the gowns I absolutely LOVED. First, the woman of the night, Sandra Bullock. Classy, feminine, and perfect for an Academy Award-winning night, since it looked stunning onstage under the lights:



My other hits of the night include Vera Farmiga, in a gown that perfectly suited her coloring (and a style that could only be worn to the Oscars):



Ditto Jennifer Lopez and Demi Moore:



Elizabeth Banks, who dared to wear a drab color (I think this is a gray-lavender) and own it:



Cameron Diaz, looking the best I've EVER seen her at the Academy Awards:



Penelope Cruz, who earned my husband's vote for Best Dressed:



And...drumroll...my Best Dressed Woman of 2010, Anna Kendrick!



I thought Kendrick looked stunning on the red carpet, but when she went onstage as a presenter and I got the 360 degree view, her gown absolutely blew me away. Great color, incredible detail--it's hard to see the intricate folds and draping in this photo, though it was visible onstage--and just a perfect fit on her. She may not have come home with a statue, but she dressed like a winner.

Think the Fashion Police will agree? What were your hits and misses? Let me know!

Signs of Spring

Nope, it's not the Groundhog. It's Oscar Day! Had to poke my head out of my hidey-hole (aka, my office, where I've been working my tail off for the last month) to see tonight's broadcast, with the ever-hilarious Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin, and to toss out my predictions.

Will I win my bragging-rights-only Academy Awards pool this year? You tell me.

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow
Best Actor: Jeff Bridges
Best Actress: Sandra Bullock
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz
Best Supporting Actress: Mo'nique
Best Animated Feature Film: Up
Best Foreign Film: The White Ribbon (Germany)
Best Original Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino, Inglorious Basterds
Best Adapted Screenplay: Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up In The Air
Best Documentary Feature: The Cove
Best Original Score: Up
Best Original Song: The Weary Kind (from Crazy Heart)
Best Film Editing: The Hurt Locker
Best Cinematography: Inglorious Basterds (and yes, I know this is a rebellious pick, as it's likely to be Avatar)
Best Costume Design: The Young Victoria


This year's pool ballot was taken from Moviefone's downloadable version, which only had sixteen categories, so I can't score points with Makeup or Sound Editing (I think Moviefone ballot might've been selected intentionally to throw me off my game.) If those categories had been included, I'd have picked The Young Victoria for makeup (though Star Trek has a good shot) and Avatar for all things sound.

Finally, the most important categories of all: Best dressed man-Robert Downey Jr, assuming he attends. Best dressed woman-Sandra Bullock.

What do you think?

Oscar Time 2009

Happy, happy, joy, joy. Three cheers for Oscar night!! (Wasn't it WONDERFUL? Love me some Hugh Jackman. But I digress...)

First cheer: I rocked my Oscar pool. Haven't gotten an update as to the winners, but I got 19 out of the 24 categories correct (last year I was an all-time low 13 for 24, and I was 18 for 24 in 2007.)

Second cheer: Anyone mind if I do a dance for Slumdog Millionaire? I LOVED that movie. If you haven't seen it yet, consider this a shove out the door to the multiplex. You'll want to see it in a theater, unless you are so fortunate as to have one of those home theater setups with the wicked surround sound, etc. This is a movie that transports you to India. You won't want to be distracted by neighbors, the phone, or your laundry while you watch on DVD at three in the afternoon.

Third cheer: The GOWNS! This was a prime Oscar year. Very few misses, so I'll get them out of the way right off the bat.

Apologies to the ever-lovely Jessica Biel, but this was Not Good. It looks like someone took took care with her hair and makeup. Then, a nasty stylist came in afterward and thought Jessica looked too pretty. In a jealous fit, the stylist wrapped a very fancy bedsheet from the Ritz-Carlton around Jessica, tucked it up with a few folds in the front, and carefully explained (cough-lied-cough) that the sheet-waterfall look was "the latest thing." She then shoved Jessica out the door, stifling a maniacal laugh as JB tripped over the hem getting into the car:



The dress Jessica wore to host the Sci-Tech Awards last week was much better. Though awfully reflective in photos, I bet it looked better in person. And she can walk without tripping on it:



My other Worst Dressed Female for 2009 must go to Whoopi Goldberg. I swear I could see her bra (and part of its contents) peeking out the top while she was presenting, but I can't find a photo of that particular moment. Still, even assuming the girls were tucked away where they belonged, you tell me. I think she can do much better than this:



Of course, I immediately consulted both the E! Fashion Police and my fave Fuggers to see if they agreed. (They did.) But they liked one dress (for the most part) that I just couldn't love. Check out Heidi Klum in red:



To me, the color works. The cutout in the back works. The bow works. The leg slit works. The top kind of works. However, all these things do not work together. It's too much. I say keep the color (Heidi can rock red), keep the back cutouts, keep the leg, but lose the origami top and the butt bow. What do you think?

And ditto Reese Witherspoon. Either black with the funky cut, or blue with the funky cut. Not all at once:


WHEW. So on to all the good stuff (and there was plenty of good stuff!) First, oh, how I loved Angelina Jolie. True, it was black. But it showed off her figure, and didn't look like the matronly swoops of fabric we've seen on her lately.



Other faves: Freida Pinto (fabulous color), Best Actress nominee Melissa Leo (great fit, pretty, and suited her coloring), and Marisa Tomei (funky but classy.) I also LOVED Anne Hathaway's gown, though from certain angles, it seemed loose in the bust, as if someone taller than her could look right down and see everything. However, I doubt too many people are that much taller than Anne Hathaway, especially when she's wearing killer heels.

(I would put these in a neat-o collage, but I suck at HTML and give up.)





There were LOADS of great gowns, so it's hard to pick my favorites. But these two topped my list. Presenting the Best Dressed Women, Natalie Portman and Penelope Cruz:



I generally don't go for pink, but Natalie Portman's simply rocked. Penelope Cruz's look was a mesh of sultry Sophia Loren and glamorous Grace Kelly.

I'm also going to name a Best Dressed Man this year. Mostly because while I was watching the Oscars, I made my husband come to the TV so I could explain that THIS is how a guy should look for the red carpet:



Bravo, Robert Downey, Jr! Even if my husband said something along the lines of, "Um, okay," before going back to whatever he was doing on his computer, I thought it was perfect. Downey's wife, Susan, looked amazing, too. (And their happy-to-be-together smiles get them extra bonus points.)

Finally, I must mention Heath Ledger's win. He was a phenomenal, multi-dimensional Joker, and I think he'd have won the Oscar regardless of the attention his unfortunate, way-too-early passing brought to his performance. Valerie (the Oscar-loving, Heath-obsessed character from Royally Jacked and its sequels) would have been doing the biggest happy dance of all.

So what do you think? Who was a hit? Who missed? (And though I won't post it here, did you get a look at Sharon Stone's R-rated see-through dress?! Google it if not. It would have been wonderful if it wasn't transparent. But as is, I howled with laughter.)

For Guys Who Want The Girl

Today, a public service announcement:

My flight back from the Caribbean last week happened to have a TON of teens on board. This included one very cute guy--I'd guess he was about fifteen or sixteen--who sat directly behind me. Every single teen girl on the flight took note of this guy. They were whispering about him before boarding, but didn't approach. A few of them walked by him veeeerrry slowly on the way to the lav or to talk to a friend. By the time we all hit baggage claim, several angled to stand beside him to wait for suitcases.

Even though he was smiling and being friendly, one by one, they moved away.

I elbowed my husband and said, "Told you!" as the last girl wandered off to stand near her friends. (Being the smart man he is, he replied with an, "Uh huh." He learned long ago to ignore me when, in a crowd, I say, "Watch what happens with that person. I bet that...")

I knew exactly what'd happen because Mr. Cute was sitting all of four feet behind me on the plane for three hours.

My tip to ANY guy reading this between the ages of 12 and 20: If you want a shot with the girl of your dreams, you MUST take a shower. DAILY. Then be sure to wear clothes that are relatively clean. It won't guarantee you that you'll get a girl, but it will keep them from running away and give you a huge advantage over the non-showered.

I know you're sure that you don't stink after a day of hanging out and doing nothing more strenuous than homework or a few rounds with the Wii. Ditto when you are behind on laundry and throw on clothes that have been fermenting at the bottom of your laundry basket for few days and pass your personal sniff test. But trust me, you reek to others. Even if you're the most gorgeous guy on the plane, even if YOU cannot smell it, the girls will walk away when they smell you.

Take this year's Oscars as a Guide To What Girls Want:

Exhibit A:
This is good. You know he showered.




Exhibit B:
This is NOT good. I suspect the woman next to him is thinking, "I should've known not to stand so close. This guy's hair hasn't seen shampoo in at least a week."



Now, I'm not saying you have to dress or wear your hair like Clooney. You can keep that rebel edge and still look great. Case in point, Exhibit C:



This is the way to do fun, laid-back, and edgy without skipping the shower. Girls go nuts for this.

A final tip: Do not, I repeat, do NOT, wear a ton of cologne. (More than a dab = a ton.) It can be just as suffocating to girls as a Survivor-inspired shower strike.

So go forth, SHOWERED, and hopefully the girls will flock to you at baggage claim this spring break. (And, of course, you may feel free to sit near me anytime.)

And a P.S.: Turns out, I tied for second in my Oscar pool. Woot-woot! Next year, I plan to win the whole shebang!

Oscar Time

Yes! She lives!

Major apologies...I've missed blogging for the last couple of weeks because I've been 1) away on vacation in the sunny Caribbean, and 2) getting ready to go on vacation. (Why does getting packed and ready feel like it takes almost as long as the actual vacation?!)

I promise to post pics of my trip very soon, but first I have to comment on last night's Oscars. You didn't think I'd plan a vacation that didn't get me home in time for the big red carpet pre-show on E!, did you?!

I doubt I won my Oscar pool this year, as I only got 13 out of 24 categories correct, compared to last year's 18 out of 24. (Really, who would have guessed that Transformers wouldn't pick up either the Sound Editing or the Sound Mixing awards? I was so so sure.....)

However, I'm thrilled that I managed to correctly pick the Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay, and ALL FOUR of the acting awards. (Thank you, Marion Cotillard and Tilda Swinton!) So who knows...I just might pull off an upset.

Speaking of Cotillard and Swinton, I must comment on my fave aspect of Oscar night: the gowns! Whenever I see a Jean Paul Gaultier gown in a magazine, I think, "That's soooo pretty, but who could actually WEAR it?" Now I know. You need to be a) French, and b) cute. In other words, you need to be Marion Cotillard:



Cotillard wins my pick of the night, though I also really liked Anne Hathaway:



I wasn't so sure about the roses on the front at first--don't you suspect she'd catch those flowers on a door handle or some passerby's wristwatch?--but the red is elegant and the dress drapes beautifully. After seeing it a few times, I decided that the flowers add that something "different" without being bizarre.

Some of my other fave looks of the night were--surprisingly enough--worn by pregnant actresses. I'd never have thought feathers + baby bump = high glamour, but check out Jessica Alba:



Nicole Kidman's necklace is also one of those style choices you'd think would be a serious miss for someone with a growing midsection--a bazillion diamonds to draw focus away from your face and closer to your belly? Thankyoubutno. However, with her simple black gown and clean hairstyle, I think the necklace worked. And I wish my skin and hair looked even half as good as Cate Blanchett's. Talk about a glow. Wowza!



I only had two misses for the night, and they were half-misses. The way I figure it, to be a winner, a gown has to both be comfortable and look good. Tilda Swinton told the red carpet interviewers that her dress was comfortable, and she did seem happy with it. But it missed the mark on the "look good" front:



It pains me to say this, because Tilda gave me serious points in my pool with her Best Supporting Actress win, but her gown looked like a velvet lawn & leaf bag. And though you can't see it in this picture, the other sleeve was gone. Just. Gone. Despite the fact it's a Hefty-like horror, I deem it only a half-miss, because you can't fault a person for being true to themselves.

My other half-miss of the night was (sniff, sniff) Renee Zellweger. She has a stunning figure and wore a drop-dead gorgeous dress. You'd think that'd be the whole package, but apparently not:



This is a woman who is NOT comfortable.

Was it the bad weather? The new short haircut? (I think the hair is cute, but it kept blowing in her face with the wind.) Did someone goose her as she stepped out of her limo? Wish I knew, because this should've been a hit, and I usually love her dresses.

So what about you? Which award winners had you cheering? Did you enter an Oscar pool? (I'm still crossing my fingers for good news on mine!)

AND...what were your style hits and misses?